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Brandon's Life
Brandon (sometimes stylized as bRanDoN, aka Dr. Feelgoodinthemernin') is an Transylvanian-American sociopath, songwriter, singer, musician, filmmaker, actor, artist, and comedian. Best known as one of the 2 vocalists of stupidcore band Screams Pete and as the director of the short film Batman: Boondoggle. Early Life Brandon Michael Jackson John Carpenter Michael Crawford Michael Myers Micheal Micheal Townsbeginning IV was born on January 13, 1809 in Pitsburg, Transylvania. He spent much of his time in the woods hunting down humans for sustanance. In 1776 he moved to the United States due to a lack of Cheeto's Puffs. It was here that he met his two best friends: Kayden Smashmouth and Cory Carjacker. After turning them into giraffes, he sought out to take over his current hometown, Silent Hill. He eventually discovered the light bulb and the joys of stalking, all before he turned 8 minutes old. It was all because he was born in the hospital that Jeff Dunham was working in at the time, so the hospital had advantages. As a young child, Brandon enjoyed a happy school and home life of vampirism. He lived on an elephant in a trailer and enjoyed the season of Autumn. As he matured, his happiness began to fade and he began to show a darker side of his personality which, according to speculation, was the result of Brandon being taken over by a mysterious, powerful force of nature called The Night. For more information on The Night, stare at a full moon for five minutes. In high school, on October 7, 1901, he ate a geometry book. This caused his digestive system to be blocked and made him lose weight immensely. His wait quickly went from 138 lbs to 12 lbs, but this somehow made him 14x sexier. He began to exercise on a treadmill daily to try to regain his body mass, but this only made him lose weight. He now weighs 11 lbs fahrenheit. Later Life In 1234, Brandon fell into a hole, but he crawled out and turned into a jackhammer. He used his new power to destroy the Leaning Tower of Piza. He has been famous ever since. Then the gamer universe was formed!... In 2003, Brandon graduated from Jo Face University, where he studied to be a gang banger. Finally free from the restraints of reality, he decided to rob a Chinese restaurant. It was here that he discovered the joy of Coca-Cola. Drinking more and more Coke every day, he began to sink deeper and deeper into an addiction to caffeine. He was able to overcome this addiction with the help of Kayden Mathews and Bert McCracken. When he was 22, he ran away to New Mexico and was never seen, nor heard from again... When he turned 25, he became an internet sensation with his youtube video "Edgar A. Poe by Brandon T" this made him famous throughout Guatamala and he was able to take over the city of Australia. There he appointed Chase Charlie Sheen The Wizard Winning Adolf Hitler Dix.on.you as head of defense and vice president, in less then a year the city was destroyed, and Chase was blamed for everything... Beliefs and Screams Pete Brandon is a devout Christian and believes that every day should be a weekend so he can have fun and not have to go to school. He also believes that Men Are All The Same ever since he fell into A Box Full Of Sharp Objects. His beliefs are further expressed in the intense emotional vocalizations he performs for Screams Pete. Their first single, a cover of Justin Bieber's "Baby" was the first song to ever top the Billboard Charts. His strangest beliefs is that he has a blue duck as a pet when in reality, it's actually the dick of his dead roommate, Nipple Eater The Fourth, who ate ballsacks. Controversy The Cat In The Hat In 2011, Brandon revealed photographs to the public which appeared to show The Cat in the Hat sitting on the toilet in Brandon's home and going through Brandon's fridge, which he apparently disappeared into. Many people called the photographs "bullshit" and claimed that Brandon was a "meat sausage" for trying to pull off such a hoax. However, in 1211, the Cat in the Hat came forth and revealed that Brandon's photographs were ''not ''"bullshit" and that he had used his toilet and went through his fridge. The public never apologized to Brandon. Possible Psychosis When an article called The World Of Quesodilla written by Brandon surfaced on Wiki of Stuff, many users of the site began to question his sanity. In the article, Brandon had written of a world beyond human perception where he resides and rules, and he urged the readers to join him in the world. The article is considerably dark compared to his usually comical, vulgar articles. Since then, it has also been debated whether or not Jo Face or Brandon were the actual founder of Wiki of Stuff. However, many scholars and other smartasses believe that the two are actually the same person. Ever since this speculation surfaced, many theories have developed. People believe that Jo Face is actually Brandon using a second account, either for comedic purposes or as a result of Brandon's proposed psychosis. Quotes "Hey, I had a chicken sandwich from Wendy's!" "We're going to jail!" "There's a world that calls my soul, and it's not too far away; it's everywhere but here." "Long live the me." "You know that place in your mind where dreams and reality both cease to exist? That's where I masturbate." "I remember when I was conceived. What an awfully strange adventure!"